I probably left out the most important thing and honestly I wouldn't even know how to say this to you.
Please get counseling to deal with how much your ex-wife, her betrayals and your divorce have hurt you.
No woman, will be the right woman for you until you feel good and strong and confident within yourself. You will continue to hurt good women if you continue on the course you are taking, even though it may be unintentional. I know it's hard to ask for help, because it makes us feel weak to need help. It takes a strong person to ask for help and accept it.
I don't think you are a bad person. I think you were hurt and don't know how to get past that pain.
You are also the best damn cuddler I have ever met. I love you. That is all.