Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Things I left out

I probably left out the most important thing and honestly I wouldn't even know how to say this to you.

Please get counseling to deal with how much your ex-wife, her betrayals and your divorce have hurt you.

No woman, will be the right woman for you until you feel good and strong and confident within yourself. You will continue to hurt good women if you continue on the course you are taking, even though it may be unintentional. I know it's hard to ask for help, because it makes us feel weak to need help. It takes a strong person to ask for help and accept it.

I don't think you are a bad person. I think you were hurt and don't know how to get past that pain.

You are also the best damn cuddler I have ever met. I love you. That is all.

Friday, May 27, 2016

To my person, who I lost

To the person that I was inseparable from for the last year of my life....

You left, because you felt I didn't make you a better person. You felt that my influence on your life made you complacent and stagnant.

You felt that I didn't bond with your children enough.

I honor your choices and introspection.

In the interest of encouraging your personal growth, after processing everything you told me, I have a few responses.

I believe your introspection started when your ex-wife accused me of not making you a better person. Maybe I'm wrong. This is a person that knows very little about how OUR relationship worked, and even less about me. This is a person who most of the time only has her best interests at heart. I don't need to remind you that she has betrayed you on more than one occasion. She, on a regular basis, tears you down every chance she gets. She plays on your anxiety. That's emotional abuse. It's unhealthy.

Inside your mind lives a man who is terrified of becoming fat, unattractive and possibly unpopular. That man causes you unhealthy guilt and anxiety when you don't work out. He also makes you work out when you are injured, causing you to injure yourself further to the point where you can't work out. And the vicious cycle and the panic I have seen in your eyes repeats itself. I've read articles about exercise addiction, and while I don't know if you are a hard core addict, I do think the things I have pointed out show some tendencies that you should reconcile.

You once believed that I was a good influence. That my healthy eating habits encouraged you to eat healthy. Yes, I have been making poor eating choices lately. But I always pick myself up and get back on the healthy food wagon. I have been doing this for 17 years. But while I was eating bunless burgers and broccoli, you were choosing nachos. This is not a judgement, it is simply the way it was. I am human, I can only be so strong. I can't always be the one in the relationship doing the right thing. I need encouragement and support too.

Me and working out. It is something I have been battling my whole life. I go through really great streaks, and then some not so good streaks. I pointed out to you on more than one occasion that I do better when I have someone to work out with. We tried twice. Then nothing. You went back to your way of doing things. I have pointed out couples exercises. You said they would be too hard. I showed interest in the running club Wednesdays you found on Facebook. You pointed out that you have children on those nights. I wish somewhere along the way you could have met me halfway. I wish I could have been on that part of the journey with you, the way you want a woman to be with you.

Your extremely precious children. I love them. I worry about them. We were just starting to bond. It isn't unusual for that process to take a long time. It takes as long as it takes. You have a daughter that doesn't want to be close to her mother's boyfriend who has been in her life for three or four years. How can you expect her to bond with me so quickly?  But she did ask me to curl her hair for school. That's a start. Your other daughter sat on a swing with me for 20 minutes and told me more about herself. She was also curious about me. Your son gave me presents and prizes that he earned. He made sure he gave his mother the same things. He came into your room to show me a video game on his tablet. We played together. Things were growing. They came to me, each in their different ways, on their own terms. They did in the beginning too...They wanted me to play Monopoly and cook healthy food for them.

I originally wanted to go to soccer games, piano recitals, and make birthday cakes to support YOU. But eventually, it was for them too.

I can encourage and support you...but I can't make you be what you want to be. (I mean, come on, you get bucky when people tell you what to do. Have you stretched today?) You don't need to be a hen-pecked man, who only does what he is supposed to when he is driven to by the woman in his life. You have to want it and follow through. You have to take personal responsibility for your own actions. That applies to all areas of your life.

I hope you find what you are looking for in a partner. I hope you find balance. I hope you find a way to heal that hurt anxious person inside you. I love you.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Cheshire Cat

Tinder won't help you. Not until you take responsibility for your past transgressions. Not until you approach relationships with what you can give...instead of what's in it for you. Good luck out there.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Cheesy Low Carb White Lasagna

Cheesy Low Carb Lasagna    5.5 net carbs

3 Eggs
Cream Cheese, 3 oz
Mozzarella shredded, 1 cup
Italian 4 Cheese Blend (Provolone, Parm, Asiago, Romano), 1 cup
Parmesan Cheese, grated, 1/2 cup
Ground Chicken, 12 oz
Heavy Whipping Cream, 1 cup, fluid
Silk cashew milk unsweetened, 8 oz
Arrowroot flour, 2 teaspoons
Baby Spinach, 5 oz
Mushrooms, fresh, 1 1/2 cup  slices
Nutmeg, ground, 1/8 tsp
Ricotta Cheese, whole milk, 7 oz.
Butter 1 Tbsp.
Additonal Butter or oil for frying
Garlic minced 1 tsp.
Salt and pepper to taste

Egg Crepes (Noodles)
Blend cream cheese and eggs in a Ninja, or a Magic Bullet. 
Over medium low heat pour a very thin layer into a frying pan. Flip over after about a minute. Repeat until batter is gone. 
Set aside. Later you will tear this apart into the right shapes to fill your pan and go in between your filling. (You may not use all of them. You can use one as a wrap for a sandwich.)

Filling (3 part process)
Chop spinach in food processor. (Not too fine.)
Boil in salted water for 2 mins. Drain in fine sieve or colander with paper towel in it. Rinse with cold water. Press out all moisture with a large spoon. Set aside. (I even squeezed out more with my hands once cooled. This boiling step keeps the spinach from turning your lasagna green.)

Puree mushrooms in food processor.
Melt butter in frying pan on medium low. Saute garlic for one minute. Add mushroom puree. Cook for 5 mins. Set aside.

Fry up chicken in frying pan. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Drain off liquids.

Mix all three of these together.

White Sauce
In a saucepan combine 1 tablespoon butter and the arrowroot flour. Add heavy cream, cashew milk and nutmeg and stir until it slightly thickens over medium high heat.

Cheese Layer
Combine mozzarella, Italian cheese, parmesan, ricotta and 1/2 cup of sauce in a bowl. (Save a handful for later. Maybe two handfuls.)

Pour a small amount of white sauce into the bottom of a loaf pan.
Layer in half the meat mixture.
Spread half the cheese mixture on top of that. Pour a little more sauce on top.
Place your egg noodles in single layer on top of that. Tear them apart so they don't overlap too much.
Repeat the above process for another layer.
Add that leftover Italian cheese to the top of the egg noodles.
Cover loaf pan with aluminum foil.
Bake for a half hour at 350 degrees. Remove foil and bake for another 10 minutes or until the top is bubbly and slightly golden brown.

If you don't like spending a couple hours in the kitchen, I suggest making this in stages. You could easily make the "noodle" part one day. Chicken the next. It's delicious. When the flavors layer together...This is by far one of my favorite recipes.

I should also forewarn you, let this rest for a good half hour before you first cut into this. Otherwise it falls apart and you should plan on eating it in a bowl.

(Honorable mention: You can find the Egg Crepe recipe all over the web. I first saw it on http://www.ibreatheimhungry.com.  I just decided to use it for lasagna noodles.)

Saturday, April 18, 2015


I got dumped via text last night for being too different.

The sad thing is, I'm pretty clear about who I am from the beginning when I meet someone. Too bad they didn't care enough to pay attention in the first place. Shame on me for ignoring the red flags once again. Another year of my life spent with the wrong dude.

And believe me, I thought I was giving the nice guy a chance this time.

Everyone thought he was a nice guy. In some respects, he probably is...just not to date.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Low Carb Biscuits and Gravy

Biscuits and Country Gravy with fried zoodles
2 Tbsp. coconut flour
2 Tbsp. ground golden flax
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 egg
2 Tbsp. water
1 Tbsp. oil (grapeseed, olive, melted coconut)
2 drops stevia

Mix all dry ingredients in a microwaveable mug.
Add rest of ingredients and mix together well.
Microwave for 1 minute 15 seconds.
Remove from cup and cut into 4 slices

Serves 2. Approximately 2.5 net carbs per serving

Biscuit close-up

Country Gravy:
1 lb. pork sausage
1 Tbsp. arrowroot flour
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1/2 cup cashew milk unsweetened
1/2 tsp. white pepper
1/4 tsp. salt

Brown pork sausage in a large frying pan.
Sprinkle arrowroot flour on top and mix in.
Add cream and cashew milk.
Add salt and pepper.
Bring gravy to a boil for a few minutes over medium high heat.
Reduce heat and allow to reduce for 10-15 minutes, stirring frequently. Serve over biscuits.

Serves 8. Approximately 2.2 carbs per serving.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Two Peanut Butter Cookies

There are quite a few low-carb peanut butter cookie recipes on the internet, here's my take on them. (Because I can't ever leave anything alone without wondering how it would taste if I added this or that.) This post you get two recipes in one batch. I am also seriously considering adding bacon crumbles the next time I make these.

Peanut Butter and Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies

Basic Peanut Butter Cookies and Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies

1 egg
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup unsweetened peanut butter
1/2 cup granulated sucralose or erythritol
1/4 cup Ideal Brown
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 cup sugar free chocolate chips
(I used Lily's Dark Chocolate Premium Baking Chips)

Heat the oven to 350.
Spray a pan with non-stick spray.
Mix everything but the chocolate chips together.
Split the batter in half.
For the first half use a tablespoon and roll your cookies into dough balls and place on cookie sheet.
Peanut Butter Cookie
For the second half mix your chocolate chips into the remaining batter. Roll into dough balls on and place on cookie sheet.
Using a fork press each cookie down.
Bake for 10 mins. Cool and eat. They are pretty tasty dipped in unsweetened cashew milk.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip

Makes about 14 cookies. Depending on your peanut butter and chocolate chips it comes out to about 2 net carbs per cookie.